Jul. 9th, 2011

QotD

Jul. 9th, 2011 12:10 am
sanacrow: a circular black and white drawing of a tribal-style crow (Default)
... JUST: (adv.) merely, simply.

I hate this word. It minimizes. It trivializes. "Just" do this, or that. It tells me the person speaking thinks the action should be easy. It ignores circumstances and individual capabilities in favor of a normative narrative of what "everyone" should be able to do. It also implies a moral judgment - the speaker obviously believes the course of action is not only easy, by their own arbitrary standards (usually heavily influenced by society's standards, of course), but the *right* thing to do. It erases conflicting emotions and tells you the choice should be easy, and therefore being conflicted about it is wrong. It invalidates peoples' feelings and experiences.

From a stranger or ideological opponent, it's sneering, condescending. From a loved one, it's even more damaging, a slap in the face. It is the worst word, a metric fuckton of condescension, patronization, minimization, trivialization, all wrapped up in four innocent letters.

So please. If you are ever tempted to 'splain someone's situation and the course of action you think they should take by saying "just do X", DON'T. No matter how obvious the solution seems to you. Just don't. Step back, think about why they might not have done that yet, and find a way to offer advice - IF they asked for it in the first place (which in my experience the object of this unfortunate phrase usually didn't) - that doesn't imply that the person is stupid for how they've handled themselves and their situation so far. Respect their decisionmaking process. Try giving them the benefit of the doubt - try assuming that they *do* know what they're doing, and that they *do* have reasons for handling things the way they have.

But for the love of all that was, is, and ever will be... "Just" stop.

---
from Jadelyn at Witch.Words

QotD

Jul. 9th, 2011 10:44 pm
sanacrow: a circular black and white drawing of a tribal-style crow (Default)
Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart, and try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms and like books that are written in a very foreign tongue ... do not now seek the answers which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them ... and the point is to live everything ... live the questions now ... perhaps you will then, without noticing it, live along into the answers.

~ Rainer Maria Rilke

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