sanacrow: a circular black and white drawing of a tribal-style crow (Default)
[personal profile] sanacrow
Much of this is from something on another journal. I'm kinda putting together some of my reactions in a really disjointed kind of way because this week is not conducive to brain, but I didn't want to stop poking. If something doesn't make sense, please ask. If you're just curious about something, please ask. And there will probably be more related later. Especially if I get nifty questions, or I go off on a tangent, or for just universal randomness.

There's no such thing as universal "sub traits". There are no traits that are universally valued by a preponderance of d-types. There are no traits that are expressed by a preponderance of s-types.

Submission and/or slavery are personal and individual. How they are expressed is unique to each individual s-type - and to each relationship between an s-type and a d-type.

Submission and dominance are not necessarily sexual things - particularly the 24/7 kind. Robin and I are not M and s because it makes our pink parts tingly. (There are some bits that do feed into that, but they are not the reason, or the mainstay, of What It Is That We Do.) She doesn't fetch my tea, or pick up my plates, or set up my wheels or whatever for a sexual thrill. She does it simply because it pleases me and that makes her happy.

There are many things I do for her because she is my beloved pet and spoiling her makes *me* happy. Very rarely do I order her around (and then I'm usually teasing). Robin and I have been together for a very long time, we talk about a lot of things regularly, and she pays very close attention to me. She knows what I like and what I need and she takes care of me. Simply and quietly and discretely.

What we have isn’t to satisfy some drive in either one of us. It's just the relationship style that works for us here-and-now. If I fell off the face of the earth, she'd not be going off searching for someone to serve. If I didn't have her, I wouldn't feel a lack of service or be searching for a slave. Some of my other relationships have had D/s elements. Some didn't.

Having someone submit to me isn't a "need". I don't need my will validated. I'm a Witch - I'm well aware of my will and what it can do; I have all the validation I need from my Craft and my Gods. I don't need to be told that my needs are important - my own self-worth tells me that. This isn't an ego game. I am a d-type. That's no different from "I have blue eyes". Not your kind of d-type? Fine. Then we don't need to play together then, do we? No skin off my nose.

That's all I've got for tonight. See ya'll later.

Date: 2012-08-09 04:25 pm (UTC)
pj: (Default)
From: [personal profile] pj
Interesting. I know next to nothing about D/S. Thank you for posting.

Date: 2012-08-11 11:03 am (UTC)
brock_tn: (reading at home)
From: [personal profile] brock_tn
It makes sense to me. Although I'm not entirely sure that I can easily find the words to explain why.

We've discussed this precise issue, in other contexts, a number of times. What it boils down to is that long experience in a given area permits one to grasp the essence of things in ways that transcend silly little artificial rules. You know the ones I mean: "A REAL Dom always does X." "No true witch would EVER do Y." "_______ is ALWAYS Z."

I've always found rules like that both amusing and alarming. Mostly because they make so little allowance for myriad ways that people vary. (Well, that, and the way they illuminate the smallness of some people's minds. Schadenfreude is always such a guilty pleasure.) It's why I've always striven to teach the Craft as an art, where there are principles one must adhere to, but very few hard-and-fast rules.

Something else comes to mind in reading your post: the odd little matter of love. I've always been fond of the late Robert Heinlein's definition: "love is that emotional state where some other person's happiness is essential to your own." It strikes me that your relationship with Robin as you describe it typifies Heinlein's definition.

I've something else to mention to you, but that's best discussed in a private message.

Date: 2012-08-15 03:22 am (UTC)
elf: Chambered nautilus hiding in shell (Hiding in my Shell)
From: [personal profile] elf
I'm still muddling things over, but I need to say: you were very right to call me out; some of what I said was stupid and wrong, and some of the rest was handwaving past details that I know I can't do in text. (I was thinking of various caveats that I didn't include because the text gets clumsy when I put that many disclaimers in it--with an end result of saying things I didn't intend.) (And also: I said stuff that was wrong, not just missing the intermediary steps and explanations.)

Date: 2012-08-09 01:49 pm (UTC)
kiya: (uppity minion)
From: [personal profile] kiya
Yes. This. Dammit.


sanacrow: a circular black and white drawing of a tribal-style crow (Default)

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